It hurts when you say it mom.

I’m upset.

Here are the things I heard from her today. I’m tired. And I’m still a bit confused with what to take up. But here are the things she told me tonight.

Bastos ka.

Baboy ka.

Wala kang kwentang tao.

Sana hindi kana pinanganak.

Magiging labandera ka at wala kang magawa sa buhay mo.

Isusumpa kita.

Sigurado ako walang mangyayari sayo.

Ewan ko nalang sayo.

Ikaw lang ang reason bakit naging bwesit buhay ko. (this is why I don’t like this word)

Ugom kang utin para maka lakaw ka diri. (translation: you need to suck **cks to get yourself anywhere) -probably why I’m straight. I’ve heard that line since I was 10.

And tonight I’m feeling upset. I hear those words again. But this time I just shut up. I stay in my room and wait for the bad feelings to subside. Do I really have to get used to this?

Tonight is one of those nights. I don’t think I want to talk about this to anyone. Cause talking about your mom this way makes you a bad person. But what if it’s true? Don’t I get to vent out every once in a while. I want to stay away. But there’s nothing I can do. Just be quiet. Just try not to cry. Just hold it in until she goes away. . . Help.