I’m just very dissapionted with myself today.  I feel like a total loser.  Maybe its because someone very dear to me has given me that pinch thought that I could never be someone worth loving.  My lover didn’t really say it directly but it still meant the same to me. Or I could be assuming, but maybe me saying its assuming could actually mean that I’m just being in denial? HAH?!

Buttomline, I’m very dissapointed with myself right now.  I can’t stand my being so unproductive – I feel like what we call her in the Philippines as a lowlife “tambay”… I just got back after a week of vacation from celebrating our University’s Founders Day. Which is a really big event in the city. If I’m not mistaken I think its the 106th year.

I feel like such an aimless scum that has nothing to do.  And if I do have something to do its just not going to be good enough or even worth anyone’s time ’cause its just going to be a total mess. Which has been happening for the last couple of days. And which really sucks. 

I guess that’s just me being human.(?)